Letting Go of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love can be a painful experience. It can last for days, months and even years. What is it? How does it affect us? How can we get over it?

What is unrequited love?

24 Telltale Signs Of Unrequited Love

12 Ways Unrequited Love Affects Us

33 Ways to Let Go of Unrequited Love

Further Exploration – Articles & Media

Your Take – Comments

What is unrequited love?

Unrequited love is love that is not mutual. It is felt by one person but not reciprocated by the other. It is being in love with someone who does not have the same feelings.

It can be a known or hidden love. It may be known by just one person may never speak of it to the target of their affection. The other person may not feel the same way or even know about the feelings that the other holds.

It can happen with friends, ex’s, people we work with, friends of friends and even celebrities.

Unrequited love can be a painful experience bringing heartache and soul searching. Many negative feelings can be felt when love is not returned. The telltale signs, how it affects us and 33 ways to overcome it below.

“An unrequited love is so much better than a real one ... As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending.”

Sarah Dessen

24 Telltale Signs Of unrequited love

There are a number of ways to spot unrequited love. Unrequited love can be both when you are in a relationship or are in love with someone you are not in a relationship with. The telltale signs can be slightly different however are roughly the same. These include;

Always trying to find a reason to be with them or at least in contact with them
Always initiating contact but rarely reciprocated
Not receiving replies to text message, phone calls or emails
Refusal by one to spend time with each other
No sex life or passion
Constantly thinking about the person and what they are doing
A dwindling relationship where the other person is not reciprocating the same intensity of love and emotion
Feelings of jealousy and inadequacy when they mention someone else
Finding yourself imagining conversations and time with that person
All take and no give
Doing kind things for the person and getting a lukewarm response
Your happiness depending on them
You think you’re made for each while those closest to you are telling you that you are not
Negative and self-depreciating emotions when you think about the person
Constantly searching for ways to keep them close and in mind. This can take many forms including making excuses to see them, looking at their social media profile or reading old messages
You feel alone
Focussing on signs that they are interested in you. Interpreting every word and small gesture as a sign that they are interested whereas these may be common
You try to buy their love or affection
Their body language is cold and cut off
They lie to you
They have expressly told you that, “it’s not going to happen”
“It’s not you, it’s me”
They don’t want you to see their phone
They are just uninterested in you and your life

12 Ways Unrequited Love affects us

Woman Crying, sad from the affects of unrequited love

Unrequited love can affect us in many ways and stir up many emotions. These may include;

Loss of feeling of worth
Feelings of grief
Sadness
Inadequacy
Anger
Confusion
Rejection
Self doubt & self depreciation
Feeling used or unappreciated
Soul searching
Questioning our core identity
Feelings of being unlovable

“You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel”

Johnny Depp

33 Ways To Let Go of Unrequited Love

Fortunately there are a number of ways to combat the feelings of unrequited love. From changing your mindset to looking after yourself, there are a number of actions that you can take. Also see further exploration below for further external articles and media for further help

Communication

Talk to the person, let them know how you feel and see the response that you receive. Understand where you are in relation to them and if there is anything worth fighting for. Be realistic and step away if it is not going to work. This will help preserve the relationship rather than sour it. Having the power to step away will build you as a person and benefit you in the long run.
Know when it’s time to let go (and do). We know when our love isn’t being returned and/or they’re just not feeling it. Let it go, you will thank yourself in the long run.

Change Your Mindset

Changing the way we think about a situation is a powerful way of resetting our thoughts and emotions. Look at how you feel about the person and why you do so, analyse the patterns of how you feel about them. Start to look at the situation differently.

Accept that it is happening. Accept the situation and start focussing on “getting better”
You were a fully functioning human being without these feelings and emotions before you met them, you will be again
Ask yourself why your happiness depends on being with this person
There are plenty more fish in the sea – probably won’t help initially but you have found the type of person you like, excellent! Look at the qualities that you saw in them and you can now be alert to finding someone with similar traits, characteristics or even looks
Accept and embrace the feelings – you feel how you feel. Love is a powerful emotion. Even if not returned it is a powerful feeling that when channelled correctly can hugely enhance life. Channel the love and energy into hobbies, family, friends, work and yourself
You have felt love! If you can feel like that strongly about someone, you will be able to do so with an other and when the feelings are reciprocated it will be amazing
Feelings change and so do people (you will eventually)
You are not alone, unrequited love happens to many people. Studies have shown that over 95% of people have felt unrequited love is some shape or form. This huge majority will include highly successful, attractive and intelligent people. You are in good company.
Understand that your mind will be conditioned on how you respond to this person. When you think of them it will release certain chemicals in your brain and body and make you respond the way you do. Understand these patterns and it will help you to understand your emotions
Everything in life can be learnt from. Treat it as a learning experience and gather any positives that you can take forward from it
Realise that they most likely feel awful too (if they know about the situation)
There are ups and downs in life. Understand that this is a low and there will be many more highs ahead
Look at why you wanted to be in the relationship in the first place. If it was due to loneliness, find other ways to plug that gap for now. Analyse why and look at how to help those areas in your life
Understand that nothing is ever perfect, no relationship or person. Its a tough learning however it is the way of life and will help you on the road to recovery
If it’s a recurring problem and you constantly feel unrequited love, look at the people you are choosing as the objects of your affection. Are they the right person for you? Would you actually be better suited a different type of person?
It is likely that a lot of the love you feel is felt through rose tinted glasses. Don’t try to put the person down however see them for who they are, remember the not so good as well as the good times. They are a person and they will most likely have at least as many flaws as the next person
Understand that you can’t make somebody love you
You have learnt to handle rejection, a valuable tool that you can take forward and will help in many situations life

Look After You

Allow yourself time to deal with and get over your feelings. There will likely be many emotions involved including anger, hurt, sadness and grief. Understand that you will feel sad and allow yourself to do so
Treat yourself. You’re going through a hard time mentally, allow yourself a bit of comfort
Concentrate on you. Use the feelings to inspire you to change your life. Get fit and healthy. Get ready for when you do meet the right person
Keep on learning and bettering yourself. This will help keep your mind on other things in the short term and set you up for a successful future in the long term
Don’t angry or argue with the person. There is no point and you will only regret it later down the line. Let it go.
Respect yourself. Don’t cry, beg or be needy with the person. Again, you’ll regret it the long run. Try to think about looking back on it in a few years, how would you like that story to end if you can’t be with them?
Try not to wallow in self-pity and self-defeating actions. These could include listening to romantic songs, watching romantic movies or looking at pictures of the object of your desires. Avoid these things for now and avoid the associated emotion
Think about yourself, your life and all of the amazing things that you have done. Surround yourself with family and friends and those who make you feel good about yourself
Confide in someone you trust. A problem shared is a problem halved. They may be able to provide you with good advice if they know about your relationship with the person. At the least they will be able to offer their ear and support
If needed, get some professional help. The feelings of unrequited can affect us both mentally and physically. See a counsellor or therapist if the emotion is too strong to deal with

Things To Do

It may be important to have space between yourself and the person. Seeing or talking them to may stir up the emotions. Only you can judge whether you are able to see the person or not however don’t torture yourself and keep your distance if needed
Go out. Socialise. See friends. Distractions and distance can work wonders to put things into perspective
When you’re ready to do so, think about getting into the dating scene. There are plenty of others out there who would deserve your affections