How to Stop People Pleasing

Helping others is a good thing. However attempting to people please all of the time can become all consuming and have negative effects in life. What it is, why people do it and how to stop it below.

What is People Pleasing?

13 Reasons Why People People Please

18 Ways to Stop People Pleasing

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People Pleasing

Some people in life are incredibly helpful for others. They never say “no”; and end up spending a huge amount of time doing things for others. This can be hugely rewarding however there can also be a darker side where people live their lives entirely attempting to please others.

People pleasers can make their own life over-complicated. They may be constantly busy keeping everyone around them happy however this may be having a negative effect on their own mental health. Fear of rejection and failure start working like a punishment for them and feelings of low self worth and anxiety may start to show.

13 reasons why people people please and 18 ways to stop it below.

“You can't please all of the people all of the time”

Anonymous

13 Reasons Why People People Please

People pleasing is a trait that many people have to some degree. 18 reasons why people do it below;

Not wanting conflict in life. Attempting to please everyone in order to avoid conflict and/or bad feeling
Wanting the external or surrounding environment to stay harmonious and peaceful
Wanting something in return. For instance, employees may attempt to people please with the boss in order to gain a raise or get better treatment
Being a highly impressionable person. Getting easily influenced by others and not being able to say no
Anxieties and mental conditioning from childhood
Lacking the confidence or assertiveness to say no
Taking on the feeling of dissatisfaction someone may have when we say no
Natural behaviour. Wanting to help and serve others due to the satisfaction it brings (not necessarily a negative thing)
Feeling worthy whenever doing something good for others. This behaviour is based on the person’s own self-worth (again, not necessarily a negative behaviour)
Wanting to be loved and accepted
Love for ourself being less than our love for others
Lack of self-love and filling the void by pleasing others
Fear of rejection

“Sometimes you aren’t listening to your body because you’re listening to everybody else’s expectations.”

Ann Voskamp

18 Ways to Stop People Pleasing

People pleasing can bring us many problems and take over our life. 18 simple steps below to reign it in below;

Identify why you do it and where it started. Is it something that has been with you since childhood? Is there a certain situation or person you particularly do it when you’re around? Understanding the reason for the behaviour is the first step to setting yourself free
Learn to say No. At the least when you are not able to do something asked of you. Build this up. Start by saying no to small things and build up your confidence to push back.
Understand that you do have a choice
Stop making efforts to gain external appreciation and validation. Work on internal validation. Do activities that make you feel satisfied internally
Spare more time on yourself and try to understand your own feelings. Respect your own opinions and ask yourself what you actually want
Take responsibility for your own happiness. Set your personal goals and make it a priority to achieve them
Remove negative and toxic people from your life. Stay away from the people who are all take take take
Think requests through before you accept them. How much effort will they actually take? Are they worth doing/helping?
Ask yourself if the person is more than capable of doing it themselves. Are they taking advantage?
Don’t explain yourself or give excuses, you don’t need to. Just say no
Work on your confidence (try here), assertiveness and self esteem. Remember that you are just as worthy as the other person
Set boundaries. Know how much you are willing to give and stick to it
Don’t apologise for the things that you can’t do. You can’t do it, end of story.
Celebrate successes. Give yourself a pat on the back when you’ve said no
Don’t be worried about the consequences of saying no. They are often much less of an issue than we make them out to be in our mind
Have the courage to speak up and put your own best interests at heart
Understand that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. You really can’t
Stop lying to yourself and others. This may sound harsh however it is necessary to stop people pleasing