The Complete Guide to How to Say No

Say No

Why We Find It Difficult To Say No

Further Exploration – Articles & Media

Say No

Find it really difficult to say no to your family, friends, work colleagues or even strangers? You’re not alone. Saying no can be a really hard to thing to do. There are a number of personal and cultural reasons at play when looking at the stigma of saying no. No is a short yet very powerful word and if we use it appropriately it can give us back time and meaning to our life.

The complete guide to saying no below including; xx Benefits of saying no, xx Reasons why it is difficult to say no, xx When to say no, xx Ways to say no and xx Polite phrases to say no.

“It's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”

Steve Jobs

21 Benefits of Saying No

Saying no opens doors for us. Although helping others is a good thing, always saying yes can mean that you are not concentrating on the things that are important for you and your life. The benefits of saying no include;

Allows us to concentrate on the important things
Sets clear boundaries with families, friends and colleagues
Gives us freedom
Have more time to do the things we want to do
Have less anxiety and stress from doing things we don’t want to do
More time for rest and relaxation
Being true to ourselves
Being honest and authentic
Provides a new perspective
Save time and trouble not just for yourself but for others too
Be true to friends, family and colleagues
Build confidence and stand up for yourself
Save energy
Stop overexerting and overpromising
Inspire others to also say no
Self-Preservation
Give value to when you say yes
Build strength and self-confidence
Remove toxic people from our lives
Greater control over our lives
Ultimately bring us peace

“Freedom isn't the ability to say yes. It's the ability to say no.”

Anonymous

18 Reasons Why it is Difficult to say No

There are a myriad of reasons why we find it difficult to say no. We are social animals and the need to be a part of the herd and protect our relationships drives us. 18 reasons why we find it difficult to say no below and more in the further exploration section.

Wanting to fit in
Wanting to be liked
Wanting to be helpful
Wanting to meet other’s expectations
Lack of self-confidence
Not wanting to hurt someone feelings
Fear or embarrassment
Not wanting to disappoint or upset people
Fear of being rude
To avoid awkwardness or discomfort
Thinking that putting ourself first is selfish
Fear of missing out (FOMO!)
Being afraid of missing a golden opportunity
Wanting to protect our relationships
Not wanting to be seen as being difficult
Concern about affecting career or job
Being ingrained in us to agree to everything that’s asked of us
Saying yes can just be easier

“To be happy is to wisely use the power of saying "NO" to some people. Don't be afraid to disappoint people who only conveniently remember when they want something from you.”

Dodinsky

When to Say No

Sometimes we know the right thing to do is to say no. Sometimes we’re just not sure. Asking yourself some of the 11 questions blow can you help you to determine when you should say no

Am I comfortable with doing this?
Is it something that contradicts my values or beliefs?
Will it be good for my mental or physical health?
How do I feel physically and mentally about this? Read the reaction from your body or mind.
Do I really want to do it?
Is this person asking me for their own benefit? Are they taking advantage? Do they help me out?
Will it damage my relationships with people I care about?
Based on past experience, is it a good idea?
Is this of benefit to myself or others?
Is it really worthwhile and important in the long run?
What else could I do with the time it will take to do this?

“Sometimes saying no is perfectly acceptable because it means you have a life too.”

George Helou

19 Ways to Say No

Saying no is easy, it’s just a word right? Yes it’s not that easy, 19 ways to make it easier below and more in further exploration.

Be Honest: People appreciate honesty and can tell when others are being sincere. Unless there is a good reason not to, be honest.
Be Thankful for Being Asked: Show (genuine) gratitude that you were asked in the first (and then decline as needed).
Be Clear and Firm: This still can be polite however a flimsy, “maybe not” will leave things open to interpretation.
Be Assertive: Be confident in yourself and the reasons why you are saying no.
Set Your Own Boundaries: Know your boundaries and what you will and won’t say no to beforehand. That will make saying no much easier when it comes to it.
Be Polite: No need to be rude, just acknowledge the request and politely decline. See below for polite ways to say no.
Mentally Practice: Rehearse saying no, especially in those situation you know you will find it difficult. This will make it much easier when it comes to the time.
Actually Practice: Start with small, non-contentious situations and build yourself up.
Keep it Short: Don’t prolong the perceived pain, just say it and have done with it.
Look at Alternative Ways to Help: If you genuinely want to help but can’t, find other ways or resources that could. Do you know anyone else who could help? Do you have an alternative solution?
Take Time to Think it Through: Allow yourself some time to consider whether it is the best thing for you.
Build Up Your Self-Confidence: Look after yourself both physically and mentally to build up the self-confidence to be firm.
Ask to Reschedule: If it’s something you genuinely want to do but can’t, ask if it can be put off for another time.
Let Them Know It’s Not Personal: People can feel rejected when we say no. Take the sting out of it by letting them know the genuine reasons you cannot do it.
Understand That it is ok to Put Yourself First
Watch Out For People: Some people will use tactics of making you feel bad or rude for saying no. Watch out for these, understand what they are doing and be firm.
Don’t Over-Explain Yourself: You might tie yourself in knots and ultimately, you don’t need to.
Don’t Make Stuff Up: Again, you don’t need to. Try not to lie, you may be caught out. Either be honest or don’t offer an explanation.
Seek Help: If you have genuine problems saying no or self-confidence issues try speaking to a professional counsellor or therapist, they will be able to help.

"Don't say maybe if you want to say no."

Ryan Holiday

24 Polite Phrases to Say No

There are hundreds of ways to say no politely. Just using please and thank you in your response can be polite enough. 24 ways below and more in further exploration.