How to Stop Siblings Fighting

1. Calm Things Down

The first thing to do when children are fighting is to calm things down and ensure that nobody gets hurt. Separate them and give them time to cool off. Tell them that you will talk to them about it later

2. One on One Time

Try to have one on one time equally with both children. This will allow the children some apart time and at the same time some well needed attention

3. Things To Do

Give the kids something to do. Look for something creative, interesting and exciting, e.g. drawing or making something. This will keep them occupied and (hopefully) away from arguments

4. Set Rules

Ensure there are clear family rules. This will let the kids know when they are stepping out of line and not treating their siblings or their possessions in the correct way

5. Establish Good Family Culture

Having a culture of communication, sharing and respect in the family will help children learn how to have these values. This isn’t just between adult and child but between all members of the family

6. Praise The Good

When you find them playing nicely ensure that they are praised and (on special occasions) rewarded for their behaviour. This will reinforce the good behaviour.

7. Identify The Reasons

Try to understand the reason for the fighting, this will help in deciding how best to diffuse the situation. In some cases, one child may have been genuinely wronged and you need to step in. This will also help in future, if there is a particular possession they argue over, work out a way to split it between them or take it away completely

8. Stay Calm

Getting anxious or stressed when your kids are fighting will only exacerbate the situation as your emotions will make the situation even more tense. If you feel yourself getting wound up and it’s possible to, take a moment to calm before dealing with the situation

9. Consequences

Ensure that the children know that there are consequences to fighting (and stick to them!) Don’t set anything that you cannot enforce however an hour or two without their favourite toy or electronics will always be remembered in future  

10. Children Are Unique

Your children are different people with different personalities. What is right for one may not be right for the other. Some children may see that as unfair or unequal treatment. Take the time to explain what you are doing and why to ensure understanding.

11. Teach Conflict Resolution

When the argument has calmed ask your kids to explain what has happened. Ask them to put themselves in the other’s shoes and explain what the other might have been thinking and feeling. Help them to see the argument from both sides. See video from “Kids in the House” below for some further helpful tips on conflict resolution

12. Get Them To Work It Out

Similarly, make them the problem solvers. When you see an argument coming, ask them to work out the solution and explain it you when you’re back in a few minutes. This can be a great learning for them. 

13. Ignore It

In some cases it can actually be best to just ignore the fight. Kids will fight and so long as no one is in danger, it will sometimes just fizzle out by itself. By ignoring the fight, it is not seen by the kids as a way to get attention. It will also help them to learn conflict resolution!

14. Get Help

When the fighting is severe or gets too much, think about calling in help. You can contact your doctor for advice and there are many highly skilled and trained therapists and counsellors that specialise in child behaviour

15. Fighting Can Be Educational

Remember that fighting, although a pain and can cause bad feeling, can also be educational. Children learn about emotions and conflict resolution through arguments and who better to learn with, their sibling.