The Wellbeing 5 Project

Mary: In both of these areas, I would like to see a revival of diplomacy, which is the first line of defense to prevent wars or altercations. Diplomacy is needed now more than ever in the microcosm of personal relationships and the macrocosm of societal and global interactions. Diplomacy is becoming like a lost art, as we often see people expressing opinions with no regard toward understanding the other’s point of view. Part of my job as a therapist is to help people listen to themselves, not to me. I assist them to explore options and find their best answers. It requires setting judgment aside and doing my best to meet the person where they are and listen to needs from their perspective.

When people quit listening to one another, the conversation disintegrates or becomes dangerously inflamed. A debate can turn into a competition on who can speak the loudest or longest. This creates a toxic environment where animosity grows and impairs collaborative problem solving. When we yell or are yelled at, our bodies react with fight/flight/frozen survival reactivity and fear aggression may occur. The more someone yells the less we want to hear. Cortisol and adrenaline are released and all feel-good chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin (the trust hormone) are diminished. Simply not raising a voice or talking over others can change the negative tone from needing to be heard to wanting to create respectful dialogue to aid understanding and problem solving. Diplomacy is key to peacekeeping in all relationships whether personal or global.